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how i ship

since i feel like i've made my stance pretty clear on where i stand in regards to certain ship dynamics and the execution of them, but i guess i'll stil just stress and emphasize that my favorite pairings are born of my own interpretations of their [canon, implied, never established, etc!] dynamics and that i do not endorse (or even particularly enjoy, lol) fanon interpretations of my favorite ships as if they were my own.

fanon and fandom

i wish i didn't know her! HA!

to me, shipping is adeeply personal and while i obviously enjoy sharing my thoughts, fics, etc on my favorite characters (as pairings or as individuals), i'm generally dissatisfied with how a lot of people carry on in fandom spaces and seek to distance myself from them. if you have some shithead blocked for how they portray a ship, i probably have them blocked too! ESPECIALLY ships with albert wesker!

top/bottom, dom/sub

i deeply resent how fandom percieves sexual relationships in general, but i hate how very "binary"
i do not condone incestuous, pedophilic, nonconsensual, racist, etc., ships in any capacity. all ships i depict contain mutually-and-enthusiastically-consenting, non-related adults.

shipping philosophy
picking characters apart individually as well as in a couple/group dynamic, adding layers of complexity through romance, sex and conflict just never gets old to me. i've wanted to jot down some of my thoughts on shipping (and its culture online), so below are miniature musings on one of my favorite pastimes and how i personally navigate it! bear with me, i'm going to try and squeeze in a lot of opinions in as little space as possible, but just know that all of these topics could be expanded upon much much more than what i'm delving into below!

in my opinion (that you do not have to agree with!), truly "Good [interesting, compelling, complex, fun] Ships" acknowledge canon characterization and bends it to create new, interesting takes on all characters involved.

they're made of love for the character, the universe in which they exist, and individual analysis of their traits, flaws, politics, strengths, and so on, to the fan's preference. i wholeheartedly encourage the rejection of fanon and the use of canon as a springboard for your own ideas. the source material exists to be picked apart and made to suit your own imagination... thus is the point of transformative works in the first place!

ships can be made interesting with the help of:
  • love! letting your adoration for these characters/franchises shine through! this is the most important!
  • understanding of canonical characterization; this doesn't mean you have to Biblically Follow it! it's just a good idea to know as much as you can! we can't have headcanons without the... canon!
  • emphasis on solo characterization; they exist as individuals before they exist together!
  • thinking critically about the politics, setting, and motivations of those around them (and the author's intentions with such). all of these things affect a character's writing!
  • and so on!
they are not defined by:
  • tropes; these exist to bolster characters/plots, not solely define them!
  • canonical legitimacy; plenty of ships are canon and objectively Uninteresting, so why does it matter if it's canon!
  • fandom popularity; sometimes it's deserved, sometimes it's not. decide for yourself!
  • moral alignment; "good guys should only date good guys", force-aligning morally gray characters to be Good Or Evil, etc. stop robbing characters of their depth for the sake of wanting them to kiss!
  • and so on!
i also fully concede that for some people it "isn't that serious". i half-agree; shipping in and of itself is not serious, but the analysis of media, to me, is! it's very fun for me, it's how i unwind, it's a hobby! i show love to these franchises by picking them apart down to the atoms and adding sex and romance and whatever else might please me. :-)

all-time favorites
albert x leon x ada
slow burn, doomed, enemies to lovers
resident evil
veronica x christine
doomed, secret relationship
fallout: new vegas
medic x sniper
slow burn, repression, body horror
team fortress 2

have a chat!



most of my interpretations of fictional characters is going to relate to my identity as trans butch lesbian, my relationship with my femme, my identity as a stone, etc. i don't care what gender/sexuality you see the characters in my writing as (i can't Force people to see these characters as lesbians and i'm not interested in discoursing about the 'validity' of masculine lesbian identities), but they are written with lesbianism in mind; writing is an important part of how i express myself! if you can rock with that ily! i hope you enjoy my headcanons/fics!
fandom and social justice
art in all of its infinite forms of expression (games, animation, comics, movies, tv, literature, etc) is an extremely human means of expression... which is what i love about it! and that's why understanding, analyzing, and critiquing the art is so important! i'm going to kind of use this section as a way of trying to articulate how i feel about a lot of discussions that frequent fandom spaces and how i personally see them. all of these topics deserve way more space than i'm able to give them here, so please consider this is a massive condensement of my thoughts on these nuanced topics!

"dark themes" and art as a political tool
i enjoy angst, gray morality and conflict; it's part of good storytelling! i believe there is absolutely a time and a place for exploration of "intense themes" like rape, pedophilia, incest, racism, or abuse, but i do not believe in portraying them in ways that are "erotically [or otherwise] titilating" to the viewer. likewise, i believe that kinks do not exist in a vacuum, and every human creation (yes, even fandom stuff) is subject to bias, conscious and unconscious. furthermore, all art is political - art as a whole, no matter the medium, is influenced by the politics of its time, creator (knowingly and unknowingly), and the society it was created in! belonging to one opppressed demographic does not absolve someone from perpetuating harmful stereotypes or rhetoric about another one (or even the one(s) we belong to).

an example of this is how a lot of popular "yaoi tropes" are based in misogyny (and homophobia, lol)... some more obviously than others. for example, i deeply resent framing submission, being penetrated, bottoming, etc as "lesser-than/inherently degrading" compared to topping, penetrating, domming, etc and i don't think it's a subversive - or even interesting - way of portraying fictional chracters or sexual relationships whatsoever. i'm also extremely frustrated by woman characters getting horribly mistreated (brutalized, misogynistically characterized, etc) to bolster a relationship between two men. if you ever want to see how much people of all kinds hate women, go ahead and take a look at how people speak about ada wong or excella gionne from resident evil for taking romantic/sexual interest in leon kennedy or albert wesker (respectively)! just because you are queer yourself does not mean you can't perpetuate harmful racist, misogynsitic, lgbt+phobic rhetoric with your interpretations!

"does fiction affect reality?" YES! propaganda? fiction affecting reality. your desire for representation in fictional settings? fiction affecting reality. what about the impacts of movies like birth of a nation (source), or jaws (source)? fiction affecting reality!!!!! "i just choose not to let fiction affect me like that" that's impossible! bias exists everywhere, in everything we do. this does not mean that we are Literally doomed to imitate every single thing we see, but to understand just how capable of influence human beings are, especially on views of prejudice, racism, misogyny, lgbt+phobia, and the intersection of such. "oh so all art has to be productive/morally righteous/feminist/etc?!" no, not at all... i don't think a "truly perfect" piece of media even exists tbh! we must be honest about identifying flawed themes, designs, etc in the things we love. imo, you look worse "defending" that stuff than you do just being like "yup, that's definitely there and it is in poor taste/an objective flaw of the media/character/etc"! i also don't think it's a bad thing to do some research, have some compassion, and be open to serious discussion about the things you like, how you like them, etc!

this is also why examination of the "text" (movies, literature, games, etc) is so important: these themes aren't just present in the fandom's interpretations, but in the source material too. it's a good thing to be thoughtful of how things are portrayed, and what they are trying (again, intentionally or not. intention matters, but it's not everything!) to communicate!

on villains (and loving them)
i am a villain enjoyer, but not a villain condoner; thinking analytically about them is what makes me enjoy them. i absolutely believe that villains can retain their status as such without "headcanons" of fetishized [sexual, racial, pedophilic] violence towards women, children, and people of color for the erotic gratification of the reader. also going to toss out that defining incest, pedophilia, sexual abuse, race play, etc as "taboo subjects" is simply not correct: in a white supremacist society (one in which we are all living right now!), these subjects are actually celebrated, excused, and normalized on a daily basis. so... not very taboo at all, really! i also don't think that piling on these "dark headcanons" for the sake of shock value is good analysis either. a dysfunctional, doomed relationship can be such without the torture of minority groups for the viewer's pleasure! likewise, these themes can and should be portrayed in media, but must be done so thoughtfully and not for the sake of "ao3 shipbrained fandomisms". sometimes we have to put down our shipping and lgbt+ headcanons and discuss certain subjects, characters, and themes seriously!

proshipping and "everything is valid" sentiment
this is a thread by a twitter user that summarizes some of my feelings on "proshipping" and why i'm against it. i find the entire subculture to be an extremely anti-intellectual (and generally hostile) space that winds up perpetuating rape culture, racism, misogyny, and conservative talking points more than combating them. i also heavily disagree with a lot of popular "proship sentiment" (the concept of "fandom cops" existing, "fiction doesn't affect reality", "fandom is supposed to be an escape, free from criticism!", etc). i highly recommend checking out this series of articles on several of these "hot button issues" from the perspective of a black person in fandom! i also have a tag on my tumblr that features lots of good fandom critique posts from different users that i am in agreement with!

i always want to extend compassion and support to the artistic interpretations of traumatic experiences, but i don't believe that something being done as a means of coping makes it indisputably "valid". i believe in varied experiences, complex layers of trauma and encourage the careful and safe unpacking of it, but this can also be done privately; people love to say "what i do behind closed doors is none of your business!" Very True! but your Extremely Public ao3/twitter/tumblr accounts (and people's comment sections/reply spaces/mentions!) are not closed doors! "you can't tell me how to cope!" Also True, i can't Make you do anything. i'm just a stranger on the internet! however, i do believe in considering that harmful coping mechanisms exist. you're not a bad person for falling prey to them of course, and recovery is never a linear path!, but there are objectively some that are more condusive to healing and progress than others, and some that i do not bleive need be shared with the general public at large. i also don't think people need to disclose their trauma to be able to critically discuss how these topics are handled, either. again, a subject of infinite nuance that can go on way longer than what i can afford here, but as always, it's most rewarding to look inward and to be sensitive to others around you... even if it may "mildly inconvenience you" to do so!

critique and being a "hater"
all of this to say, i believe that analysis is adoration! you should do all these things i'm talking about because you should want to think deeply about the stuff you love, right? like, otherwise, what is the point?! it bums me out that people think that analysis is some kind of chore instead of something people do for fun! i don't think it's "being a hater" to deeply ponder the things we love!