albert has been with me for a very long time. spending my youth (and well into adulthood) watching his journey from prodigal son, to great betrayer, to mastermind, to fallen god marks some of the greatest times of my life. i envied his infinite ability to reinvent himself, to break free from the holds of people who sought to use you. i felt trapped and powerless in my own body and wanted nothing more than to rid myself of that feeling, to become a better version of myself, and take my own destiny into my own hands.

when we learned the truth about his past, about how he wasn't ever really in control of himself, that he'd just been doing exactly what he'd been bred to do, it destroyed me. his lost expression in the flashback scenes with spencer and his tangible melancholy as he recalls them make me ache. he'd been having bouts of paranoia, manic depression and obsessive tendencies, things i can relate to all too well. he was a victim that then perpetuated that same cycle, instead of breaking free from it. he had everything he needed to not become what spencer wanted him to, and he became it anyway. that's my worst fear, to have been abused and continue the cycle.

growing up in an environment that all too closely mirrored the principles of some of resident evil's greatest villains, i had such high hopes for albert - not that i thought he'd magically become some extreme humanitarian, but that he would at least do things for the sake of his own beliefs... unfotunately [but in line with the intent of his character], he dies parroting the exact same drivel that he was brought up into. that serves as a reminder to me of what i never want to be. i am not the people who raised me, i have strength, capability and power of my own... and i will use it to do things my way!

reading his files and learning that he always had anxiety, that he had a looming sense of dread coming over him at any given time, and managed to hold himself together so well... that's a skill i want so badly. wesker's own crisis of identity ("Are you saying I was manufactured?") was relatable to me as a young....... person (lol) who was struggling ith my own identity, who felt frequently like a monster... without all of the cool powers albert got to have! but i know all too wel what it's like to be at the beck and call of people who, once you come into your own strength and identity, are only as powerful as you give them permission to be.

i coveted his masculinity (not necessarily his male-ness; though i'm very aware that his Cis/Het/Whiteness is important to the symbolic significance of what he represents in the franchise); he's not extremely muscular, but alluring and strong. his body language exudes confidence, his well-fitting outfits and in no rush calmness about him was everything i sought to emulate as a [young, and now older] butch. of course, i watched the matrix and james bond movies and wanted nothing more than sharp tailored suits, slicked-back hair, and a sleek pair of sunglasses... with a transatlantic accent, of course. i wasn't allowed to cut my hair growing up, but i would buy cheap "men's" sunglasses and slick my hair back in the bathroom and daydream about having short hair and perfecting my icy, uninterested stare... ha! looking back on it, it should have been way more obvious that he was very "gender" to me; not a man's man, with lots of ruminations on his identity, becoming "something greater" (something that i would personally see as a transgender allegory in my own journey with my sense of self + body) and breaking free from a loathesome master.

i don't want to get too personal (it's taken a lot to even admit all this!), but there are other things [both headcanon and canon fact and the mixing of both] that i relate to in relation to the body, being manipulated, used and cast aside/denounced... well maybe that's enough for now!

"The only thing that can defeat power, is more power. That is the one constant in this universe. However, there is no point in power if it consumes itself."

One of my favorite things about Albert is his eyes... I think his eyes (and hands) are truly windows to his soul, hehe! I have a deeper analysis of Wesker and his sunglasses cooking that I'll be posting on my Weskennedy dreamwidth once it's completed! But for now, I really love just how much emotion is conveyed through the lighting and angles in which his eyes are on display! In Resident Evil 5 we see him seeming quite unlike himself, questioning his right to godhood... it's a really interesting contrast from the Wesker characterization we'd gotten thus far in the series!

I was surprised to find out that a lot of people didn't like his characterization in 5; the source of his infinite power turning on him and eating him alive from the inside, his complicated hatred of Spencer (whose legacy he ironically goes on to "honor" by following his plans pretty closely - something I hope a remake might slightly change to give him his own motivations), the price of godhood and what power really is to him... I just think it's so fun and interesting. I do think it's funny that people act like Wesker was at some kind of insanely villianous new low here, as if he wasn't experimenting on Lisa Trevor in 0/1... he was never a good person! Like... not even for a minute!